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| Nothing compares
to the feeling that i had
when i heard the news.
An instantaneous ignition;
A spontaneous combustion.
As i picture skin on skin
his hands tracing her body
(the body that i fell in love with)
with lustful intent
and non-emotional connection,
the small flame
Explodes.
Into something bigger
something stronger
and more
dangerous.
Jealousy only stokes the fire
and the burning wreckage
in my chest
cannot be stopped now.
Unintentional
but unstoppable.
Irrational
but irreversible.
I carry the weight of the world
on my shoulders
today.
The name is Atlas
and i am normally a Titan.
But i have been
reduced
to an unimportant little speck.
But!
Said speck has a weapon;
Never underestimate fire
that has been lit by
past love.
As much as i would love to use
this fire
i will restrain my emotions
and only let it simmer
beneath.
the.
surface.
Hiding
but watching.
Elusive
but conclusive.
I am Atlas.
| | |
| I find myself wanting to get away.
Away from the heartache
the trouble
the anger and jealousy
and sadness.
It is constant
and sometimes
I am left wondering:
on our deepest level, are we friends?
In love?
Because sometimes it seems like we are
Enemies.
The art of war is not a pretty one.
It is not displayed in museums
not portrayed in the media as beautiful
and not celebrated among artists
of any kind.
Fighting
oftentimes seems like
there is
No
Freaking
Point.
What happens when generals
get tired of fighting?
They can't just
quit.
Or else
they lose the war.
And Oh!
How important it is
to win that war.
Oh so important.
But in defeat...
what have they got
to lose?
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| And yet, i don't care. The Universe needs saving!
I am thinking of calling in sick to work today. Of course, my manager would argue with me and make me bring a doctor's note, but i don't care. And with a few apathetic parting words, i would hang up the phone. Because i am Commander Shepard, and Commander Shepard does whatever the hell he wants to.
Never mind the fact that i look like a skeleton when i smile!
In other news, i got accepted to Northern Arizona University. NAU is located in the North-Western Galactic Arizona Region. Many great space captains have gone there. It is a possibility. But not right now, no! I have no time! The Turian bastards have attacked Earth. This is an act of war.
Time to bust out my assault rifle.
| | |
| My eyes burn right now for so many different reasons. Exhaustion is a key factor, as well as recent emotional stirrings. I am tired. I am tired in general, and tired of so many things. I hardly have the energy to devote to anything i want to anymore.
As it rains here in Scottsdale, for about the third day this entire year, the pitter-patter on my skylight is calming. Soothing, almost to the point where i am ready to collapse. And it just sounds nice. So nice.
I bought this game Mass Effect for my Xbox 360 today. I am a sucker for interactive entertainment, and the outer case of the game was too compelling to resist, whatwith a fresh supply of $20 bills in my wallet. Upon returning home, i placed it into my disc tray with the heavy anticipation that i get whenever i have bought something new (particularly games). I skipped school today just so that i could buy a new game and play it. I needed the day off, you see, and perhaps more than a little time to myself.
I bought the game used at Gamestop, so that i could return it within 7 days as specified by the receipt, if i didn't happen to like it. I am a master of cheating the retail system. And i had heard mixed reviews about Mass Effect, so i didn't want to risk buying it new and having to trade it in and get half of my money back, instead of a full refund. Not only am i a master of cheating the system, but i am also a master of getting my money's worth, you see. So with a wary anticipation, i pressed the close button of the disc tray and the game loaded up.
It is still there, and my 360 has not shut off since i put it in. That was 6 hours ago.
All of the sudden, i find myself captivated; captivated, by a fictional universe that has sucked me in much like a vacuum cleaner sucks in dust. I looked at the clock, and it was 3:30. The next time i looked, it was 9. I have been sucked away from all of my troubles; all of the heartache and problems and trappings of real life. And it is bliss. Simple bliss.
This is why i play games. This is why i get so excited whenever i turn on my Xbox 360.
I am lost. And never before have i felt so much like i know where i am going.
I am going to the Citadel to confront the alien ambassador and put a laser blast through his skull.
For I....am Commander Shepard.
And i am a Universal Badass.
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